What Should a 4 Year Old Know?

My friend Tracy posted this article on facebook recently. I admit..when I read the title, I couldn't wait to dive in. I wanted to see how Max stacked up against the average 4 year old and was secretly hoping that he was above where he should be. I try really hard not to compare him to other kids his age, but it's difficult not to want your kid to be the best. I was surprised by what this article said and thought I'd re-post it on my blog so that some of you could read it too and get a different perspective.

Max is usually very reasonable and likes to make me happy, but he definitely wants to do things when he is ready. There was a time last year when I was so frustrated with him that he didn't know all of his letters. We would sit down and practice them, but he would put his hands over his ears when he didn't want to listen anymore. Then, one day he came home from preschool and knew all of his letters as well as the sound each one made. I couldn't believe it. I also really want him to learn to ride his bike without training wheels, (mostly because I'm afraid Mya will learn before him) but he has proven that he will do it when he is ready. He will eventually be able to do it and I'll look back and wonder why I wasted one second of his precious childhood worrying about it.

Max recently turned 4 1/2 and is so anxious to grow up. He can't wait to be 5 and go to kindergarten (mostly so he can ride the bus:) When I think about it I get a giant pit in my stomach. I'm so thankful that I have gotten to spend as much time with my kids as I have, but I know that I don't appreciate it enough. This article has definitely helped me to focus a little more on what is really important.

What Should a 4 Year Old Know? (magicalchildhood.wordpress.com)
It’s back to school time and children all over are starting preschool. Many parents are frantically searching the internet to find out if their little ones are “on track” and know everything they should.

I wrote this article about what a four-year-old should know many years ago but it continues to be the most popular page on the Magical Childhood site. I don’t think a week has passed in the past eight or so years when I have not received a letter from a parent, grandparent or teacher about it. Parents and principals especially have said they wish more parents realized these things.

So in honor of the new school year, I’m posting it here…

What should a 4 year old know?


I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked.

Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only 3. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.

It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive culture that even our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn’t be a race.

So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

1.She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.

2.He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.

3.She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.

4.He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.

5.She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.

But more important, here’s what parents need to know.

1.That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.

2.That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.

3.That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.

4.That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important– building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.

5.That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay! Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

And now back to those 4 year old skills lists…..

I know it’s human nature to want to know how our children compare to others and to want to make sure we’re doing all we can for them. Here is a list of what children are typically taught or should know by the end of each year of school, starting with preschool.

Since we homeschool, I occasionally print out the lists and check to see if there’s anything glaringly absent in what my kids know. So far there hasn’t been, but I get ideas sometimes for subjects to think up games about or books to check out from the library. Whether you homeschool or not, the lists can be useful to see what kids typically learn each year and can be reassuring that they really are doing fine.

If there are areas where it seems your child is lacking, realize that it’s not an indication of failure for either you or your child. You just haven’t happened to cover that. Kids will learn whatever they’re exposed to, and the idea that they all need to know these 15 things at this precise age is rather silly. Still, if you want him to have those subjects covered then just work it into life and play with the subject and he’ll naturally pick it up. Count to 60 when you’re mixing a cake and he’ll pick up his numbers. Get fun books from the library about space or the alphabet. Experiment with everything from backyard snow to celery stalks in food coloring. It’ll all happen naturally, with much more fun and much less pressure.

My favorite advice about preschoolers is on this site though.

What does a 4 year old need?

Much less than we realize, and much more.

Mya's first day!

Today was Mya's first day of preschool! She has been looking forward to it for weeks now and it has been especially tough for her to watch Max go everyday and not be able to join him! Chris brought her into bed with me this morning and the first thing she told me was how she was going to be a good girl at school and listen to Mrs. Julie and Mrs. Laura. She also said she would tell them if she needed to go potty! You can tell what we had been talking about for a few weeks now!

The drop off went really well. She hung her backpack on the correct hook and then went and sat down on her individual carpet. I had to go over and say good-bye to her and tell her I'd be back to get her in a little bit. As soon as I turned around, I got out of the room as fast as I could! I couldn't believe how well it went. When I picked her up, the teachers both said she did great. The only thing she said she did was play babies and learn to go potty and wash her hands! She also told Max and I on the car ride home that she didn't knock anyone down at school. Whew! I was worried about that one...:)





I've scheduled all of my appointments during my 5 free hours off each week, so today was the first one! I scheduled my C-section today. My favorite doctor is on call on the day that works best for us! Provided I don't go early, the baby will be born on Friday November 11th. (11-11-11!) Something tells me Chris won't forget this one's birthday:)

Max's 1st day

Max started school this last Monday. He is in the 4/5 year preschool program at the same place he went last year. The drop off went great on the first day and he hasn't looked back since! Mya is also going to that same preschool this year, but her program doesn't start until next Thursday. We had a couple of tough days when I had to tell her it wasn't her turn yet! I've been able to do some fun things with her this week so that has helped.

Max's class is comprised of a lot of kids from last year along with some new ones as well. Just as I expected...he had everyone's first and last names down by the 3rd day! His program is 4 mornings a week from 8:45-11:45. I can tell it's taking a toll on him because he has been extra cranky toward the end of the day this week. Of course he got a cold on the 2nd day of school too, but I guess you take the good with the bad:) Here are our 1st day of school pictures. Mya had to have her new backpack in the pictures as well!





I have been promising my kids we'd have a lemonade stand all summer, and it finally worked out yesterday! We had it set up just in time for all the kids to see it as the bus drove by so we got lots of business! Max made over $5 selling $.25 lemonade and $.25 chocolate chip cookies! We went through almost an entire batch of cookies! It was really fun for them while it lasted, but they only lasted for about an hour and then were ready to move on. You can tell by Max's face that he was more interested in riding his bike than sitting at the lemonade stand! Daddy was our last customer and then we closed up shop:)

3rd Trimester!

Today marks the first day of my 3rd trimester! 12 weeks to go (or 11 if I can schedule my C-section 1 week early) I will set the date in 2 weeks at my 30 week appointment. I have 2 doctors that I really like so I'll just go with whenever one of them can do it.

I'm feeling really good overall. The beginning of the day is better than the end. I feel bad for Chris because the first thing I usually say to him after "hi" is "I'm tired!" After a hiatus from Mya's nap, she's back to napping nearly everyday so that helps. Max watches a cartoon in my bed while I take a nap. I dream about dinosaur train, but at least I'm dreaming!

Yesterday I had my regular appointment and glucose test. I passed the blood sugar and the hemoglobin tests which was a relief. I didn't have any trouble with the other two, but for some reason I felt like this time might be different. Maybe because this pregnancy has been so different! If my memory serves me correct, this baby moves 10 times more than Max and Mya. It's like baby gymnastics in my stomach 24-7. The nurse who was drawing my blood yesterday noticed it and pointed it out! If movement inside is any indication of movement on the outside, Chris and I are in real trouble. I'm measuring right at 28 weeks which was also nice to hear because I feel huge!

The kids are getting excited. Max especially. He loves to tell people that the baby will be here right after Halloween! He has been asking some funny questions lately too...like "Does the baby like that song?" "Can the baby smell my poop?" He loves to feel the baby kick, but thinks that my breathing in and out is also a kick so he gets to feel him/her kick a lot! Mya only talks about the baby when someone asks her about it or when she asks if she's hurting the baby when I'm rocking her.

It's starting to feel "real". Yesterday I filled out the pre-admission paperwork for the hospital. My feelings go from really excited to really nervous quite often. Here is a picture of my belly at 28 weeks!

big girl haircut

Mya got her first big girl haircut today! The fights had begun when it was time to put her hair up each day and I was tired of the tangles, so I decided it was time! She loves it and Max keeps telling her how pretty she looks:) Here are a couple before and after pictures!

Hula Boy

Max and Mya have been getting into hula hooping lately. After many failed attempts, we think Max got it figured out! I posted this video on facebook, but I wanted to post it here too because some bloggers are not facebookers! Enjoy!

catch up

I haven't posted in awhile so now I have lots of catching up to do! Since getting my iPad I don't come downstairs to do computer stuff as often, so it seems like I don't blog as much! I'm going to have to change some habits or I'll have some unhappy grandparents to answer to!

2 weeks ago the kids spent a few days in the twin cities going to vacation bible school at Chris' parents' church.(Amanda...can I get a grammar lesson on those apostrophes? No idea if they are correct:) They loved it. Max was absolutely in his element with being around kids and adults, singing, dancing, playing outside, doing art projects, science projects, etc. Mya enjoyed it a lot too, but wanted Grandpa to be by her side most of the time. We knew it would be tough for her to get dropped off in a strange place without mom and dad around, so I wasn't surprised. I'm just glad she did as well as she did and she talks fondly of the experience so that's a plus. Chris and I have all 6 bible school songs memorized and most of the actions as well. That's how much we listen to the CD!

After VBS was over, I went up to Wisconsin with some college friends and Chris took the kids to his cabin for a couple days. It was a great weekend for all involved. I got to spend some quality girl time with friends I don't see very often and Chris got in an extra trip to the cabin and the kids got to swim/play at the lake! I called shortly after they got to the cabin and Max didn't even want to talk to me so if that tells you how much fun he was having.... Here are a couple pictures.



We got in our last trip to the swimming pool this week. The temperatures dropped a little this week to high 70's so we only went once. I took some video as proof of the progress Max made this summer. I'm not joking...at the beginning of the summer he was unable to put his face under the water without intense pressure and bribing from his mom and dad. Then, he took swimming lessons from an amazing girl named Megan and it totally changed his view of the water. He's a little fish now and absolutely loves to swim. Mya turned 3 during lessons so they wouldn't let her enter because she had to be 3 before it started (I was not happy) but next year she will do swimming lessons too and hopefully that will help her as much as it helped Max.


Max has been really into legos for the last 6 months or so. We took down our trains and made the train table a lego table. He has been wanting me to take his picture lately with his lego creations so here's one of the hundred or so things he has built in the last week:)



Lastly....Chris has been wanting to set the tent up in the backyard for him and the kids to go camping. It seems like if we were home on a weekend, it was 90+ degrees outside or something else came up. So...last night he decided to set it up in the basement! I went to a movie with some friends and when I came home this ginormous tent was set up! The kids didn't sleep in it last night, but something tells me it will be happening soon! I'm not much for camping, but I'm probably going to have to change my ways!

Holy Moly Zucchini!

I haven't blogged much about my garden this year, but it is still going strong! My neighbor and I decided to do a little "community garden" where she plants some things and I plant others and then we share the produce. We both planted lettuce and onions. I planted green beans, cucumbers and zucchini. She planted the tomatoes and peppers. It is working out really well, so I'm sure we'll do the same next year. I'm trying to convince my wonderful, handy, hardworking husband to build me another above ground garden so we can expand a little bit and plant some peas and other veggies.

I had been pretty diligent about checking the garden for vegetables, but apparently I missed a couple days. This is the newest zucchini. I had Max hold it so you could see its size relative to a 4 year old:) Guess I need to be checking daily from now on! Apparently getting 12 inches of rain in 12 hours makes things grow quite quickly! Who knew??

New Friend!

Our good friends Ron and Maryanne recently had a new baby boy! The kids and I drove down to the Quad Cities on Monday to see baby Gavin and also hit up a Children's Museum in Bettendorf. Gavin was absoutely adorable and made me really excited for our baby to be here! I am pretty sure that our baby will not be as tiny as Gavin, but I could be wrong! It's so easy to forget how little they are! Max and Mya really enjoyed our time with them. Max was mostly into his "big" friend Ron and playing rough and tumble. Mya was more interested in the baby, but still liked to play with Ron once she warmed up a bit:)



We've known Ron for 10+ years so it was really fun to see him as a dad. Maryanne of course looked like she had never even been pregnant! Since they are frequent Dubuque visitors, hopefully we can see them often and watch Gavin grow!

Taking funny pictures with Uncle Ron:)

Chores

Lately I have been having Max do some chores around here. He actually really enjoys being useful and especially loves when there are rewards at the end. Something tells me he'll be a lot like his dad in that he is motivated by money:) One of the things he has been doing a lot is picking up his toys in the basement and picking up his room. Sometimes the clothes on the floor (dirty or not) end up in the clothes basket, but other than that it's a job well done most of the time. I now know why my mom got so irritated with us when she would wash clothes that were clean. It drives me absolutely nuts when I'm folding a pair of winter sweatpants that I am 100% sure of were not worn.

Since Max and Mya are so close in age, we pretty much make Mya do the same chores that Max is doing just with lower expectations. This is her idea of picking up her room. (see pictures below)




Everything that is on the floor goes on her chair. I have no idea who she gets that from!! The best thing is that she is so dang proud of her room and basically demands approval from Chris and I. We usually give her the approval because it's so funny to walk in and see the mound of "stuff" piled on her chair.